10:15 My new Bacon T-shirt seems a perfect accessory to the day.
10:59 I meet up with the Goetta Princess at a parking lot in Newport, where she informs me that she always insists on driving. Twist my arm- I can think of fates far worse than being chauffeured around NKY and fed pork products.
11:06 First Stop, Mokka, third location in eight years. The atmosphere is oddly equine. But the service is friendly and it’s not too crowded. We split the “french toast with banana creme bruleé pastry cream, roasted potatoes and a big slab of goetta” thing.
11:19 Mkay. First Bite… wow. Good crispy exterior, a salty but not overly sage-ey flavor and a rich mouthfeel that isn’t gummy at all. I explain my surprise at this last point, and GP is curious why I think Goetta would be gummy.
11:19:15 Resisting the urge to get all Mr Wizard with GP and discuss the enzyme in oats that makes oats creamy but can’t work if salt is around.
11:19:20 “Ida know, I guess I just thought they would be gummy.”
11:20 GP tells me about the history of goetta. Pork with steel cut oats. German, obviously, but native only to Northern Germany rather than Bavaria. Peasant food, oats are typically uncooked before being added. Until this moment I just thought it was this “weird pork stuff.” Huh.
11:30 Initial Verdict… I approve. Milder flavor and filling without being overly heavy. Still, I’m already in a minor food coma.
11:45 I forget to explain to GP how my favorite thing to do just after a meal is to sit in the passengers seat and doze off. By the I snap out of it we are turning onto Pike street.
11:45. NO. This can only mean one thing.
11:46 “Okay, the next place we are going is this place across from the…
“Oh my god NO.”
“But they get their goetta fresh every day and…”
“They have this barbie display that dances when the jukebox plays…”
“We CANNOT go there.”
“dude, didn’t you say that I was in control today.”
11:55 If a story about your the previous drunken escapade in Cincinnati also includes the words “sooolate,” “Blood Stains” or “crazy stuff in the bathroom,” “grease fire,” ”ambulances,” “cockfighting,” “Bowie Knives,” or anybody named “Moose”… There is a 94% chance that the story also contains the words “Anchor Grill.” Which is where we end up.
Inexplicably, I have never granted this establishment my custom.
12:02 But GP’s point is well taken. The Anchor Grill is, in fact, right across the street from the largest Goetta-ry is the region, and obtains fresh stuff every day. And it’s after noon. How bad can it be.
12:10 Jukebox. I find a quarter and select Johnny Horton’s “The Battle of New Orleans.” It is, to my knowledge, the only song available containing a reference to bacon.
12:15 We order the goetta omlette and a couple of buscuits. I yodel “And they ran through the bushes where the rabbits coudn’t go.” as we watch the barbies dance.
12:18. Order arrives. Okay, this goetta is completely different. It actually does taste fresher. Looser, with this vauge grittyness that I like. The eggs taste like egg. We make it out alive.
12:45 Last stop. Pasquales in Bellvue. My fear of all points east of Newport is encapsulated by the following:
13:10 GP and I are both sleepy. We chit chat for a bit and part company. I make a few remarks that create the false impression that my sammich will be consumed for a late dinner.
13:45 Hoagie. I’ve been uncomfortable with Pasquales because of bad experiences at the one in Newport, and no one is able to tell me definatively if the two are related. But anyway, this hogie is PERFECT. Warm bread dusted with semolina, and the right relationship of toppings to meat. The goetta here is VERY dense, but still tender. One of the year’s better sandwiches.
13:59 A looong nap
19:40 Final Verdict. I enjoyed the taste and texture of geotta. But it’s not what I am going to wake up in the morning craving. Or something I am going to actively seek out when I’m in the mood for pork. I hope that goetta doesn’t take it the wrong way, it’s a nice meat and all. I hope he can console himself, maybe spend some time with his friends ham and hog jowl, and consider that plenty of people are “really into” goetta. Me? I’m still seeing bacon.
With Chorizo as my 2am dial.